I stole this from somebody's MySpace Bulletin...Hilarious but I Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself Happy Turkey Day!!!!
1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is there egg in it? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won't be able to eat anything.
2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.
3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not going to tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas.
If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their asses!
4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.
5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ass home next year!
6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding.
7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you.
EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!
8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARECENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her.
After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant ass!!
9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED THE HELL OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.
10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ass family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted.
Ok ya'll, this is the funniest shit I've seen all year. The only fall that can contend with this is the nasty spill I took in high school on an icy sidewalk, but I won't get into that.
Fast forward to about 2:30 (the action happens at 2:50) and Enjoy!
Now that you've seen the fall, let me break down what makes it so freaking hilarious...
I don't need to state the obvious, but I know everybody is already thinking it. Big girls have no business on tables unless that sucka is made of marble and bolted to the ground. Back the video up to 2:11 to hear the table cracking under the added stress.
This is actually a 2-part fall. The initial tumble takes place as the table falls forward and she falls on her butt. The second part happens as she goes from the sitting position to falling flat on her back, legs straight in the air. You can't beat 2 falls for the price of 1!
This is what my friends find the funniest. The recovery. She kinda just rolls on the ground like an egg. I can't help but think this is what Humpy Dumpty felt like. Listen closely to the sound affects as she moans, and actually blames the coffee table. "Aww Coffee Table.." like it was the table's fault she decided to dance on it. I aint wanna say it, but I will just cuz everybody else is....Yes: The big girl has fallen and can't get up. Classic comedy.
Lastly, there is the aftermath of this spill. As she rolls on the ground, pay attention to her feet. In all the mayhem, a shoe has been knocked completely off. When she finally regains her composure she also has to fix her glasses. I'm betting those also became displaced. Next look at her hair. No biggie there right? WRONG! Click the beginning of the video to get a good before/after shot. I'll say no more.
"I've been faced with many life challenges I've had to persevere through. My faith in God keeps me optimistic as I turn setbacks into opportunities. My curiosity keeps me wondering and exploring options of things to come. I am oh so very Flyy!" - Jasmine D. Taylor
As the title suggests, I'm more confident than many & flyyer than most. What does that mean? Read the blog and you'll be able to draw your own conclusion.
I'm a 22yr old college student, currently on a break. I plan to pick up my matriculation for my journalism/public relations degree at Clark Atlanta University in the Fall of 2009.
I'm an intellectual, a word artist, and I often crack myself up. I'm a self proclaimed goof ball with a zest for life. I've been described as a cartoon character in the flesh and labeled as an Urban Nerd. Throw whatever title you wish on me, in the end, i'm simply Jaz.
More Confident than Many.
Flyer than Most.
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