Still I Cry

My life is perfect, but still I cry.
I mean I have it all: A house, a ride, a job, a business, and looks that kill, but still I cry.
I'm blessed, everyone can see it. God is truly working with me and through me, but still I cry.
I have friends that stretch from coast to coast and even overseas, but still I cry.

I sit in my home. my bed. alone.
I cry.
Alone.

No one holds me.
No one comforts me.
No one soothes me.
So I cry.

I Am Zora.

I'm sooo Zora Neale

ATL is my Harlem and I am her child
I am free and creative
I am feisty and exuberant
Cuz ATL is my Harlem and I am her child

I have a meeting with Langston at Apache' Cafe
Hope he aint late // nigga better keep the date
Then I gotta jet set to Eatonville
....do some research
....get some grants
....please the white folks
Produce that cultural flavorful literary they love so much.

Damn..
They eat my shit up.

Back to ATL
I think I'll go to the Royal Peacock
Get me a drink

Feel the fire in my soul
It wells up til I burst

The riddim of the reggae moves me
....i Dance
....i Groove
....i Sway
Let myself be free

I am a sexual being.

ATL is my Harlem and I am her child, she keeps my age secret
....maybe i'm old
....maybe i'm young
I'm just blessed to be here

Living........Life.......how-i-want-to

I make no excuses
If you don't like it - Fuck You.

So what if I make you blush
....my writing says what you were to scared to
....my characters do what you always wanted to

I'm not bound by social intricacies or graces

Instead, I choose to grace you with my presence
and demand you explain why socializing should be so intricate

I'll do me
and you do you
Accept me as I m
and, well....
I'll accept you either way

Cuz I'm sooo Zora

ATL is my Harlem and I am her child.

Accountability

The subject of accountability is so simple, but causes so much drama. I don't understand why the concept is so hard to grasp and why so many people struggle with it.

Accountability is being held to a standard you agreed to.

I only hold people accountable for standards they set for themselves. For instance, if a man tells me he wants to wife me up....I hold him accountable for showing me he wants me to be wifey. If a person calls me their best friend....I expect them to treat me like a best friend.

I don't hold people accountable for a job they didn't sign up for. I don't even offer or force jobs on anyone. I let people decide the role they will play in my life then hold them to that standard.

This whole subject both baffles and perplexes me.

People decide their role so I expect them to play that role. When they don't, I bitch or remove them from that role. They act as if I'm some raving lunatic that has no basis for my actions.

Point blank....they write checks their asses can't cash.

In 2009, I'm done honoring people's bounced checks or asking for another form of payment (I.e. giving people chances to just keep fucking up). I simply don't have time to deal with it.

My time is worth at least $25.00/hr

Add time spent undoing damages from fuck ups
Add time spent refinding my inner chi
Add time spent disconnecting from you
Add time spent upgrading my flyyness

Equals one fat ass bill addressed to you....

Since I ain't in the business of bill collecting, I figure I'll just cut the bullshit and not even open the account.

I'll holla!

UnderValued.UnderF*cked.UnderEstimated

Men are like the bubble gum wads you find under stadium seats.

Some last a short time...others last all day. Either way, the end is the same. They end up hard, tasteless, and plain ol annoying. U don't wanna juss throw the gum in the isle for people to step on so u put it under the seat, forget about it, and reach for another piece.

Men chase after the chickenheads

Fuck the hoes.

Wife the golddiggers.

Ignore the women.

Then when all goes sour with the bitch they picked, they claim all the good women are hard to find or are too stuck up to fuck wit em.

In reality the women are the ones the men played. The ones the men talked about to their boys about easily being able to get shit from or always being a fallback plan. These were the women the men used up like old condoms and tossed aside after there was nothing left.

[We were UnderValued]

The women were the ones that men just knew could provide them with the most pleasure in bed, but held out. They required more than a $1 menu buffet or being called baby...boo...or mami. The men moved on to the women who were easy.

It's not that women don't love a good dang-a-lang, it's just they aren't going to let just anybody poke them. It's called being selective. Women are willing to go without. They are at home sticking themselves with dingli-ma-jigs that can make them climax 10x quicker than a man without all the drama.

[We became UnderF*cked]

The women were the ones who spent all their time at work and handeling their business. They chose to spend quiet nights at home cooking or cleaning so men thought that's all they were good for. Some money, a meal, and a clean place to crash.

Women keep their mouths shut about how messed up in the head we really think men are. They hold out hope that the brotha will finally get his act together and keep giving him chance after chance to make things right. When they can't take anymore and speak their minds on how they wanted to be treated, Men called them overly emotional and move onto the docile chick who will put up with it and keep their mouths shut.

Women get hurt then regroup and rise to sucess.

Next time the man sees them, they are lookin flyy and have it all together. They are eaither single or have a man on their arm who truly values and appreciates them.

[We are UnderEstimated]

Meet Jazi Taye: The Writer

Hello World! This is me. I am Jazi Taye.

I've finally come to grips that I'm not the average writer. Hell, I knew I wasn't average...I think I'm fuckin spectacular if u ask me. I'm juss sayin, I finally got over "Blog Envy"

For those non bloggers, that's when we writers read somebody else's blog and get envious cuz our writing just isn't as poiniant or deep. That's where Katt Williams comes in: "You gotta be in tune with your star player!"

[Enter stage left: Jazi Taye]

She's this weirdly random juxtaposation (is that even a word?) of blunt deepness. Her vagina, symbolic for the source of creativity, is haunted by an old woman who doesn't give a hot damn about what u think cuz....well....she's old.

She don't make apologies for what she's thinking...
....why she's thinking it
Or
....telling u exactly what she think

People read some of her poetry & call her a lil Maya Angelou. I read her poetry and say she's more in tune with Zora Neale Hurston & Ntozake Shange. I think she's channeling their raw energies or something...

(I think maybe her old lady ghost once haunted their vagina's too)

[-Jazi Taye is My Star Player-]

Currently we are outa sync, but I'm working on that right now. I think I'm gonna put myself in the shop for a week or two and get a tune up. By mid-March, I'll be up n running again. While u are waiting....meet my starting five:

#1- Jasmine D. Taylor: The formal me. Pointy toed shoes dressed in business casual. Doin the business thang!

#2- Jaz: Regular me. It's not a nickname. This is my name. Everything else is a damn alias. Jaz is who I am.

#3- Jazzy: The family/long term friend me. Scared to let those who know Jazzy meet Jaz...o hell nah they ain't meeting Jazi Taye!

#4- Jigga: The oversized clothes & Chuck Taylor's me. Hangin with the fellas.

#5- Jazi Taye: The fiesty me. When she's present you may hear, "Did She Just Say That?!" I love her. She is me....uncencored.

The Internet

So I'm up at 5am waiting on my tax refund check to get direct deposited (it's christmas!). I was just laying here browsing the web on my Tmobile G1 and thinking how far we've come:

#1- Remember when AOL was THE internet. If somebody told you they just had AIM or a non @aol email you wondered how they were online.

#2- Remember when the internet was so slow it was really just good for chats? For anything else you would push a button...go do something else while the page loaded....then come back.

#3- Remember when printing off lyrics and bringing them to school was cool? We used to pass lyrics around and sing them. I even had a notebook for mine.

#4- Remember Slingo? I wonder if that game is still out there somewhere....

#5- Remember when AOL used to come out with new versions and features? It was exciting like the release of the iphone!

#6- Remember chat rooms? What the hell did we have to talk about for hours.

#7- Remember when Black Planet was THE social networking website. It was the original myspace and everybody thought they were HTML programers.

#8- Remember when Napster first came out? It was this wonderful place where you could FINALLY get a free song....only the connection was slow. One song would take 1hr to download. Such a tease!

#9- Remember when every internet user was a psycho who was out to rape or kill you? Forget meeting anybody....you were nervous even to give out your last name.

#10- Remember when absolutely everything was a virus? No anti-spam software, no pop-up blockers, no nothing. Hit download and your system would crash!

FASTFORWARD BONUS: Remeber when Facebook was just for college students. Goodness I miss those days. A college education gets u into a heap of debt & a higher paying job. By the time u calculate student loan costs....it evens out to what u would make with a high school diploma.

Finally we had one perk only reserved for college students: FACEBOOK!.....but the bastards took it away.

I'm still bitter.

Get Ya Mind Right!

When I read Rich Dad, Poor Dad it became very apparant that your method to approaching life and enacting change is 100% mental. It has to do how your process your thoughts. I dug up this poem I randomly wrote in The Dark Ages and my o my was it soul stirring. I was in such a dark place (I'll post it up later).

For some odd reason I'm at 5am reflecting on statements I've said that have new meanings now.

#1- "I haven't smoked today."
Back then I saw not having a blunt as a bad thing, now I'm proud and don't want it in my system.

#2- "I'm good at living paycheck to paycheck."
I used to see being able to get by til the next check as sum hood superhero type shit. Now I think it's pitiful. I want to learn to live off of savings not paychecks.

When you get your mind right and focus it on what's important your thought patterns begin to change.

You've got to change your actions before you can change your thoughts. You have to rewrite your internal script or you will keep telling you the same ol nonesense. You have to allow yourself to continue to grow & look back to recognize that growth so you can take ownership of your progress.

Self Cleansing & Self Healing are a true process.

You have to be the one to give yourself a firm kick in the ass and wake up to reality. No one can care more about your life than you do