Still I Cry

My life is perfect, but still I cry.
I mean I have it all: A house, a ride, a job, a business, and looks that kill, but still I cry.
I'm blessed, everyone can see it. God is truly working with me and through me, but still I cry.
I have friends that stretch from coast to coast and even overseas, but still I cry.

I sit in my home. my bed. alone.
I cry.
Alone.

No one holds me.
No one comforts me.
No one soothes me.
So I cry.

It All Falls Down

New Years Eve is irrelevant in my life. I could care less that when the clock strikes 12 a new year will be here and everybody can supposedly start fresh. I may have been a Thanksgiving Grinch, but I swear I'm not for this holiday.

December 31, 2005 just happens to be the day I woke up...couldn't feel my knees...collapsed...couldn't walk for a few months...temporarily lost my scholarship...got put on a bunch of meds (with crazy side effects) I didn't need...yada yada ya.

This day has a new significance in my life. On January 1st, 2006 I wasn't celebrating the coming of a new year. I was in Atlanta with swollen joints, scared as hell, worried about the future, and in tons of pain. Not much of a holiday is it?

I've been negatively affected by that day for exactly three years. Today I am putting a stop to it. On the day everything started, I am choosing to end it. Instead of waking up as I did January 1st, 2006, I will wake up refreshed and thankful for everything. I will feel optimistic, I'll know God hasn't forgotten about me, and I'm officially closing that chapter of my life. The dark ages are now over.

Busy Busy Busy!

Good lord I've been busy with this book and my company. There's so much to do and so little time. I think of all types of wonderfully deep and enlightening blog posts to put up, but every time I open my computer...I work!! I've never been happier or felt more fulfilled. I know that I am doing exactly what God intended me to do and it feels great.

This book began as some crazy idea. Hell, I don't even know what I was thinking when I grabbed my 5 Star Lil' Fat Notebook and furiously scribbled random topics having to do with college. I managed to save that notebook for two years until I finally decided to do something with it. Initially, I figured it'd be my hustle. I'd have bragging rights as an author and make some money on the side. It soon turned into a personal mission and is now the final step in my healing.

Once I officially make the book available for sale, my healing will be complete. I will be able to close that chapter of my life and move onto the next. I'm not overwhelmed, but I'm too excited to dedicate my time to just one thing. It's like reading your favorite novel then trying to read as fast as you can once you get to the end. You just want to finish, and you want to see what happens next.

I've been designing a flash website for my company (Noteworthy by Jaz), editing/formatting & promoting the book, and getting ready for my big move back to Atlanta. People tell me they wish they had my drive. I ask them why they feel they don't already have it? I am nothing but a big ol ball of pure passion. My struggle means nothing if I don't pull from it to grow.

I'm going to end this with a short paragraph/story I had to put together durring a training class at my job. I had to use the words: persevere, optimstic, opportunity, curiosity, challenge

"I've been faced wth many life challenges I've had to persevere through. My faith in God keeps me optimistic as I turn setbacks into opportunities. My curiosity keeps m wondering and exploring options of things to come. I am oh so very Flyy!"
-Jaz