Dear Mr. FuKyAfEeLiNgS!

Mr. FuKyAfEeLiNgS!, I've been attempting to ignore your lil punk ass but I can't do it any longer. I don't know why I act surprised when you visit. You are about as predictable as my menstrual cycle. The longer the string of good news, the more I need to get the guest bedroom ready for you to move in and stay a while. Usually I am deeply emotionally effected by your visits, but each of your visits is becoming less and less effective.

This week:

1. I managed to FINALLY win my three year battle with Clark Atlanta University for my scholarship.
   
2. A random stranger paid for my groceries.
3. I cut ties with all energy consuming individuals in my life.
   
4. I executed a plan to get the hell away from Sister Paterson's lair.
   
5. I had a wonderful hair appointment.
6. I recieved the images for the front/back covers of both of my books.
7. I was placed in a training position at my job, ensuring job security and approval of my supervisor.
8. My car insurance policy was finally sorted out by an excellent company.
9. I spent valuable time with a very special person in my life.
10. I realized everything has come full circle and felt extremely blessed.

This was just to much for you wasn't it? Yea, I know.

When you attack, you attack big. You have to. You know I go hard n the paint, so you go hard too. I count my blessings so you know you have to take one huge shot at me to knock me on my ass. Fuck you.

U aint shit.

For this particular list of 10 you decided to gut punch that ass when Sister Paterson refused to put her tax information into the FAFSA so I could get government financial aid. You played against my strengths. I'm young and independent with no kids. According to the government, still a Dependent. You went through the person who pisses me off the most, and waited until you could attack the area in my life that means the most to me. You fucked with my Education & Money. Too-Shay my nig.

Mr. FuKyAfEeLiNgS! I've learned to deal with you over the years. Just as you know me, I know you too. I know what you're capable of and I know your limitations. Any mess you do can be undone. It may take some hard work and creative thinking, but every wrong will be made right. You know this. That's why I call you: Mr. FuKyAfEeLiNgS! All you can truly hurt are my feelings.

You figure I'll get in my feelings about something and make a rash decision. You think I'll merely react instead of stopping to think. Unfortunately, you aren't God. You aren't omnipotent. You don't truly understand my innerworkings. You smile at the fact that your attacks piss me off and cause tears. You fail to realize that I count that as motivation to fuel my determination.

Your the dumbass in the fight that gets their opponent to the ground, don't have the know how to finish the ass whoopin', walk away and get hit in the back of your peanut ass head with a fuckin brick. DAAAAAAAAAYYYYYMN!!!! YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!!!!!

Sound familiar?

Guess what, Mr. FuKyAfEeLiNgS!...the majority of my list this week was because of you. You cause me to reach higher heights and truly realize my potential. You knock me on my ass, but in the process you build me up.

In closing, I'll repost that list of 10 so you can see what all I've accomplished because of you.

1. You took away my scholarhsip. I got angry and fought for 3 years. I got it back, got a book out of the deal, and value everything more.
   
2. Not Applicable
   
3. You attacked my two closest male relationships. Two individuals in my inner circle decided to show their asses. I got anoyed. I cut ties with both, got my own damn phone plan, and have had the most drama free week in recent history!
4. You set me up. The house I was scammed/pressured into buying was foreclosed on so I ended up living with Sister Paterson. I got a job and worked long hours. I'm moving back into my favorite house in the whole wide world....the most peaceful place on earth...where it all began....my first house: in two weeks. I can now ease the anxiety of having my own shit while living in a controled and peacefull environment.
   
5. You attacked my hair. My old loctition broke appointments, used my expensive shampoo up on other clients, and tried to charge me for a style she messed up. I became riled up and found a new loctitian who is prompt, professional, and has excellent customer service skills with an excellent location and great prices.
6. You used my personal relationship with my first graphic designer to damage our business relationship. I became hurt and found a new graphic designer who designed two amazing front covers and an excellent back cover, showed me love on t-shirts...a logo...AND worked with a sistah's tight budget. I have a budding long term business relationship.
7. You got me fired. A 300 pound bitch claimed she felt her life was in danger because of me and I got fired so I got angry. I had a better paying job within a week. I love my job and I am earning the approval of my superiors through hard work not ass kissing.
   
8. You attacked all kinda random shit through my car insurance. An idiot company fucked up my insurance policy. I spent countless hours on the phone trying to get it corrected. I got angry. As a result, I got a new policy written by another company. I am extremely pleased.
9. You kept me away from a very special person. You killed two birds with one stone on this one. Took an angel home that affected the special person in my life & used my biggest pet peeves against me. We spent time together and it was great. I really value.
10. You keep trying to turn my circle into a damn square! The mintue I smooth out the rough edges in my life you throw me for another loop. Everything in my life HAS come full circle even if it has a few kinks. Your tactics are wack

Mr. FuKyAfEeLiNgS!....FUCK YOU!!!

Busy Busy Busy!

Good lord I've been busy with this book and my company. There's so much to do and so little time. I think of all types of wonderfully deep and enlightening blog posts to put up, but every time I open my computer...I work!! I've never been happier or felt more fulfilled. I know that I am doing exactly what God intended me to do and it feels great.

This book began as some crazy idea. Hell, I don't even know what I was thinking when I grabbed my 5 Star Lil' Fat Notebook and furiously scribbled random topics having to do with college. I managed to save that notebook for two years until I finally decided to do something with it. Initially, I figured it'd be my hustle. I'd have bragging rights as an author and make some money on the side. It soon turned into a personal mission and is now the final step in my healing.

Once I officially make the book available for sale, my healing will be complete. I will be able to close that chapter of my life and move onto the next. I'm not overwhelmed, but I'm too excited to dedicate my time to just one thing. It's like reading your favorite novel then trying to read as fast as you can once you get to the end. You just want to finish, and you want to see what happens next.

I've been designing a flash website for my company (Noteworthy by Jaz), editing/formatting & promoting the book, and getting ready for my big move back to Atlanta. People tell me they wish they had my drive. I ask them why they feel they don't already have it? I am nothing but a big ol ball of pure passion. My struggle means nothing if I don't pull from it to grow.

I'm going to end this with a short paragraph/story I had to put together durring a training class at my job. I had to use the words: persevere, optimstic, opportunity, curiosity, challenge

"I've been faced wth many life challenges I've had to persevere through. My faith in God keeps me optimistic as I turn setbacks into opportunities. My curiosity keeps m wondering and exploring options of things to come. I am oh so very Flyy!"
-Jaz