Saturday, December 20, 2008

And the Rapper Says Thank You...

I'm not the one to cry. I'm not even the one to really get choked up over anything. At times I even think it takes an onion just to remind me that my tear ducts actually work. Don't ask me how it happened, but ya girl actually got a bit choked up on my way to work this morning.

While listening to Jazmine Sullivan sing about falling in love with another man, everything just hit me at once. I could suddenly hear Darwin telling me that I needed to get ready to write my autobiography because I was gonna be somebody important. I suddenly felt a sense that I was on the edge overlooking something big that I was about to walk into with all the confidence in the world.

I stated it first in my Dear Hater letter. I am motivated by haters. They are my fuel. The hater fueling my writing career is the very first hater I ever had. It was the asshole at The Call Newspaper who misquoted me when I almost had a children's book published in elementary school. He flipped my words and quoted me as saying that the writing part was hard but the illustrations were fun and easy. Hell, the illustrations were the hard part! I couldn't draw for shit so I used various types of paper and cut out little shapes to piece my drawings together. It took forever!!!!!

Making matters worse, he said that my early success would most likely not lead to anything. Who the hell was he to announce to the world that there was a slim to none chance I'd actually get anywhere where this writing thing?! If I wasn't so upset at being misquoted, I really could have gotten discouraged by his remark. I still have the newspaper clipping and am hell bent on stalking him and sending him a copy of the article along with other articles I've had published writing BY me in a newspaper 100x bigger than the one he wrote for. I also plan to send it with a copy of the book, and an article about my book.

He popped my Hater Cherry!

The feeling I felt in the car was so much deeper than the satisfaction of showing somebody up that worked against me in life. I felt a sense of purpose. Like everything in my life had built up to this very moment. To this book. If I would have never gone through the things I had gone through....If I had never met the people I had met.....If I had never made the decisions I made (good and bad)....this book would have never come to be.

I just really took time to thank God for everything. I finally understood why so many rappers thank God despite their often unruly lyrics. God truly takes you as you are. The more messed up you are, the more he can do with you. God changes you, but he does not change who YOU are. Those rappers realize that they got where they are because of Him even if the general public doesn't know their full story. The same applies with me. I look back over my life, and realized it was nothing but God.

I feel like I'm sitting on a best seller. I stand behind my book 100% and am fully prepared to throw every resource I have into this to see it through. I know if I put in the hard work, God will carry it to where it needs to be. He's gonna open the doors and I just have to have enough stamina to walk through them. I feel like I am beginning to fulfill the prophecy a man told me after praying for me. I just feel it in the very depths of my soul that I am somebody important at this very moment...

....Even if the world doesn't know it yet.

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