Friday, December 12, 2008

The Biggest Snitch of Them All

The issue of 'Snitching' is a curious phenomenon. It's like a buncha people took what their mama's told them about Tattle Tellin' and ran with it. See Tattle Tellin' meant you don't go run and tell that your little bro is doing backflips off the bed. It means you don't run and tell your boss that your coworker was on MySpace during company time. Tattle Tellin' is divulging some unnecessary info that doesn't have shit to do with your lil nosy ass! Snitchin' shoulda been the same thing.

Over time, words start to sound dated and get replaced.
  • Solid = I Feel You
  • Groovy = Cool
  • Loose = Hoe
  • Sike! = Gotcha Bitch!
The act of Snitchin' should have been one of these terms. A Tattler Tells, a Snitch Snitches. This should have been an easy transition. I just don't see what went wrong. All of a sudden, telling the police you witnessed a murder is Snitchin'. Family members who saw first hand the death of their loved one are labeled as Snitches if they go to the authorities. That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard of. This whole "Stop Snitchin" movement needs to stop. Hell, this isn't even what I meant to write this post about.
...Now To Expose the Real Snitch!...
Now that I've clearly defined what Snitchin' is...let me inform you of the biggest snitch of them all. Ringtones. Yes, I said it...RINGTONES.

Today at work, I forgot to silence my phone. "Brown Eyes" by Destiny's Child began to play. My business was suddenly all out in the street. My phone snitched on me. Not only was it clear that a man was calling, but also a man who I had some strong feelings for. Slowly my mind drifted onto the other ringtones that could possibly put me on blast. I have reasons for each one, but the world doesn't know the story behind them. Half the time, I don't even want the person to know the meaning.

The list grows weekly, but here's a list of what I have right now & the meanings a stranger could pull from them:
  1. "Brown Eyes" by Destiny's Child - This person loves me
  2. "Cater To You" by Beyonce (ft. Destiny's Child lol) - I want to cater to this person
  3. "Caught Out There" by Kelis - I strongly dislike this person
  4. "Coldest Winter" by Kanye - I'm heartbroken
  5. "Daddy" by Beyonce - I love my daddy
  6. "Hi Hater" by Maino - This person is a hater
  7. "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry - I'm a lesbian/bisexual and have kissed a woman
  8. "Pimp Like Me" by Twista - I feel like a pimp or I am pimpin' this person
  9. "So What" by Pink - Hell if I know....
  10. "Still I Rise" by Nicki Minaj - Hell if I know...
Some of these meanings are true, but others are waaaaay off!!! Not only do ringtones Snitch on you, but they can possibly Snitch and tell the wrong stuff. Nothing is worse than a lyin' Snitch. Fuck it tho...I like to Jam! For now I'll let the biggest Snitch keep Snitchin'. I'm just trying to get the word out.

Ringtones: The Biggest Snitch of Them All

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