Thursday, November 27, 2008

How the Grinch Stole Thanksgiving

I'm not gonna lie, this Thanksgiving, I'm a straight up Grinch. I will wear that title proudly. On a holiday where people all over the nation are giving thanks and acknowledging everything they are thankful for, all I can think about is the fucked up situation I'm in. The best way to try and explain it is by giving an example. Ain't it funny how you never truly realize how dark it is until somebody turns on a light? That's how I feel. As I dined with the devil in silence, I listened in to the conversations around me. The families were so happy. Their conversations were the light that shone into my darkness. Damn if this room ain't dark!

Now that I'm back in my room, it feels like I'm shrinking more and more into myself by the minute. This is what I feared would happen. Like a wild animal senses a natural disaster, I sensed the worse was coming and I tried to get out. I moved up my "Atlanta or Bust!" date by 4 months. I even tried waiting out the rest of the week in a hotel room just so I could get my head together and just breathe. From the looks of it, the storm came and I'm now struggling to keep my head above water.

I feel trapped.

Although my entrapment may feel like hell now, I know it's a good thing. The more trapped an animal feels, the more they will fight to get free. Animals have this raw and uncut survivor instinct. I'm a survivor and have no choice but to survive. Failure is not an option. Right now I'm pinned in that corner, and this trapped feeling only angers and scares me enough to fight even harder to get free.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Just found your blog so I'll check back.